The year 1994 was to memorably affect me in ways I could never imagine as I cried myself to sleep after laying to rest my amazing father the late Charles N.
I was blessed to have two mothers and in later years another mother as I call her- ‘English mum.’
All the three amazing women have had a direct impact on the man I am becoming. The deliberate use of the word become is for us to understand that growth is a process and it has a sense of earthly eternity to it.
My father had laid a certain key foundation upon which I would then be molded through various experiences with my others.
The words we speak over our children more than often shape a huge part of the mental patterns of their evolution as adults.
Words that changed my Life
One fine afternoon my late father was discussing with a family friend a matter clearly above my comprehension as a kid but then he looked at me playing football and said to the friend.
“I have great belief in my son. I know he will rise up to be a great man,” he said with a smile of affirmation.
Reminds me of the proclamation of the affirmation of the father to Jesus being baptized- my son in whom I am well pleased.
That affirmation would later shape a lot in my life to date as I believed regardless of what I ever faced in life there was a seed of greatness planted in me.
Just like millions of homes in Africa, women have found themselves having to raise children without the effective Presence of father figures for various reasons.
When mothers step up
Now my mothers although living in separate homes, had to find ways to raise me alongside my other siblings, a task they well embraced with delight albeit with some pain then.
I cannot say I was the easiest of children to raise without going into numerous childhood escapades that I’m musing about as I pen my thoughts on maternal parenting.
Now my mothers have the responsibility to fend, educate, discipline and raise me into the man I needed to become. They then both agreed on how they would split the school fees and other basic requirements that a young man like me would require.
Breaking the alcohol curse
One of the greatest dilemmas parents have is on how to deal with the peer influence that kids like had and still have today for our children.
One night I was invited by friends to a bar that our uncle owned and there was an invitation to try out the taste of the Nile special. That night indeed I felt how special the Nile brown bottle was as in staggered home feeling like a super star straight out of a movie.
With one bottle in hand, I sneaked into my room and could barely finish it up as I dropped it to the flow and off, I wandered into sleep land.
The following morning saw me rise up to my mother seated beside my bed with the bottle for some reason that chose to roll off under the bed and never to be visible to the light of day.
Yes! She held the bottle in her hands waiting to make some proclamations and lamentations that would later shape another attitude towards my social life.
She had tears in her eyes as she reminded me of all our relatives that had succumbed to death due to the bottle. I did not need a beating that day. Listening to her narrate the evil of the bottle prompted me to make an early call-in life; No more drinking and never to go to a night club!
Till date, my feet have never stepped in a night club. This was long before I was a preacher and long before I became born again.
The mothering leadership impact
From both mothers I received wise counsel from time to time. It probably did not help that I was the first male son of our household which meant these words became a rhyme; ‘Boona abaana abandi nibalebela aliiwe’ translated as ‘all the other children in the home and looking up to you.’
That in itself presented a burden and a responsibility at the same time.
One of my parents being entrepreneurial invested in cows and chicken for me to care for my school fees. At the time it seemed burdensome but later on I was to realize that the business leader I later became was a result of the strong work ethic I gleaned from my childhood experiences.
I learnt about the essence of hard and diligent work. I began my journey of understanding the money economy and how it works practically.
Part of the process was to also learn the kindness I needed to live in society and greatly being taught of being a gentleman. My mother would usually refer to many of my late fathers’ good qualities reminding me constantly of his Presence by the legacy he left behind.
My two mothers always reminded me of the future. Emphasis was on the fact that there was a future to look to and this greatly shaped the leader in me.
As earlier stated, I was to later on meet a British lady who by spiritual connection became a part of more mentorship that added to what my mothers had already started and done well.
However, I was later to discover something culturally interesting between my mothers. What I could share with my African parent was not necessarily what I would share with a parent of British origin. Well, that is a story for another day.
Today mothers have evolved into the understanding of what good and effective parenting is and should be.
I shall close by the most important impact my mothers had on my life and that is my spirituality.
Proverbs 22:26 defines the pattern by which my mothers raised me; “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
I was brought up recognizing that in all I did It was God first. One of my parents was Anglican and the other Anglican but in each of their faith walks I respected the fact that they honored God in ways that inspired me to later set out to seek for the perfect way I would honor and serve God.
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Article by
Mr. Edwin Musiime
Chairman Olim Group
President Green economy east Africa
Apostolic leader of the Kingdom network Africa and Dwell ministries.