So. This may not be the story for everyone. But it is me and my bundle of joy’s story. You may label me bad, un serious, but this was all new for me and when I look back today I do pat my back and say well done. It wasn’t an easy ride but it was fun, joyful, crazy and so worth it. Well it’s still worth it because we are still in our first chapters.
So here is our story.
I had lost my dad the previous year. March 13th 2015. Worst day of my life. His birthday was just weeks away on the 9th of April, that very year on the 8th of April 2015, my bundle of joy was brought to life. Do you believe in second chances? Do u believe in reincarnation? Well it is something to think about because for a moment I thought I had gotten my dad back in a different form of life. I will explain why. But am not God to decide that and if the time ever comes and am called upon by the good lord, I hope I can be welcomed by my dad and I pray every single day that he found peace and am thankful that even after he left. He sent me a piece of him to keep me company.
So fast forward and its 2016, we had just come back from my grandma’s celebrations in Mbarara. She had been made a Canon. We had been away for 3 days.
We all got into the house and everyone got to their rooms while others got to packing to head back to their homes. We were at mom’s home. It is where we had left all the nieces and nephews and grandkids.
I noticed there was a face I could not see among the many jolly faces. The one face I had come to know as my “kantuntu” was not being seen. So I asked where she was. Everyone seemed not to be bothered, like she did not matter and so I looked for her. And there she was, butt naked, soaked in her urine but trying to force a painful smile cause she saw me smile.
Even in her discomfort she still found a way to melt my heart.
I was so mad and upset at her bigger sisters. I started to scold them for the state in which she was and how they cared less about her, yet they knew she needed all the attention she could get but then again I could not entirely blame them. They too were young. They knew nothing about taking care of another baby. It was the nanny’s job to do so and yet she wasn’t doing her job.
It was in that moment that I felt I couldn’t take it any longer.
So I asked them to dress her up. Get her ready because I was going with her. Where was I taking her!!! I had no idea but all I knew is we were going together. You know that moment when you are in love and all you want to do is elope and not go through the whole wedding traditions? Well in my case all I wanted to do was take my ‘akantuntu’ and start a new life with her.
The thing with eloping you have an idea where to start from well. I had no idea.
I asked her mother if I could take her and the mom allowed. It’s all the blessing I needed. Of course, I bet she thought it was for a casual visit. Little did she know we were heading out into the world to start a new life just the two of us.
On the other hand, my mom was in shock she said no. She told me you can not handle a child all alone. You yourself are a child. You have no help and you have a job. Do you want to risk losing your job?! Well I didn’t care. At that moment all my head was saying is “take her.” We got into the car. Went to then Nakumat at oasis mall. I got my ATM card out and went on a shopping spree.
I got everything new. Clothes, diapers, basins, Moses basket. You name it. I even purchased some very useless things we never got to use along our journey. I wish I had known not to waste that money on some things like baby night lights etc, blame it on the adrenaline.
I was like a new mom. It was as though I had just given birth.
We got home and my brother left us. All alone in my small one bedroom apartment.
I was excited so we took a bath tried on the new clothes and before we knew it, it was time for feeding which was all good. We took another bath and went to bed.
Then the drama begun right before we could sleep.
We chose to do ‘number 2’. If you know me. You know I love kids but only the smiling ones and chubby looking ones. But I do not deal with ‘number 2.’ No no no.! So that was when mommy’s words kicked in. It was when I realized I had taken on a responsibility I may not just have been ready for. Me dealing with ‘number 2.’ No amount of love can get me to that and yet here I was having to deal with it in all its form.
Oh well! It was a battle field but we went through it. I managed to get all my artillery to the battle ground. Thanks to the earlier shopping that left a dent in my account balance. But soon enough we had cleared ‘number 2’ out of the way.
Well we then went to bed. I had been living alone for a year now. So I wasn’t used to sharing a bed. You can call me bad all you want. This was a new experience for me. So yeah. We went to bed and I was up early for work the next day. Forgetting I now owned a little human being. As I put my feet on the ground there she was dead asleep on the cold floor. This little human could not walk or crawl yet. I was puzzled, how did she get down there? So it hit me. Oh shit the little human being must have fallen off the bed in the night. When I looked at my bedroom clock, it was already 7am. I had to be in office by 8am. Putting the math together I wasn’t going make it on time if I had to find how to deal with my new roomie who clearly didn’t know the house rules..
Kindly remember when I chose to have a roomie at that very moment I had not factored in how I had to do work with her.
So I called in sick at the office and had a whole day of just me, my roomie and Google. I Googled all possible foods. What she would like. When to feed her. What to feed her. And made a plan for the next day.
Well next morning I was up by 4am. Same thing. I found her on the floor. I guess she preferred the floor more than the bed or I just had to adjust the bed to welcome a new roomie on board. I thought to myself about whether I needed to work on that or she would not make it through any other night falls given her size and condition. Well we got on with the morning. I Had to prepare three different types of porridge in a house where I rarely cooked and get her ready all in one morning.
Dear mothers, I RESPECT YOU.
If you do this on a daily, surely I respect you. If you have more than one toddler I have the utmost respect for you. Actually this is one job that is underrated and men need to know that mothering is a full on profession. Well I was done by 6am and now I had got myself ready.
Put her in her ‘moses basket’ and we left for work. Oh keep in mind I didn’t own a car by then and I was not about to spend on an uber. So I used my lovely preferred means of transport a boda. (Motorbike taxi)
I made it to work. No idea how I was to hide her all day but all I can say is despite what everyone told me of how she was cursed, how she was not a blessing, how I was going to waste my years away, how I would return her in days etc. I was glad to report that they were wrong.
This bundle of joy was a blessing.
Oh rewind. Well when I took her on, many family members and friends told me it was a bad idea. They told me kids her type were outcasts, cursed, not blessed and that they would ruin my life. They told me how I would not be able to get into a relationship because I had taken her on. I was told how she was going to be a hindrance in my life but oh well I was ready to taste fate and see how much of a curse she was because that beauty could never be cursed.
So I get into office and put her right under my office desk afraid that my workmates or boss may see her. Afraid that if she cries am screwed. But like I said she was a blessing. She didn’t not cry for a single bit. During feeding times I would run out with her in her ‘moses basket’ that looked like one big African bag and find a place to feed her from where no one would find me. And I would return her sleeping. Oh jeeezzz that little thing loved its sleep. At times I would actually put my finger on her nose just to double check if she was still alive…
So here comes 5pm and am clocking out. I get my bag and walk out of office. I get on my ‘boda’ and am headed home. A few minutes into the ride I feel a bit lighter. And like am missing something.
Then it hits oh shit I forgot the baby in office so I rush back.
Luckily I had a copy of the key to the office. I get the little roomie and we head home. Well days went by and no one had yet detected her. So all was good and great. I just had to work on the part of forgetting her in office and in Ubers on rainy days. The day I won’t forget, is the day I forgot her in an uber get into the house put music on and as I was about to shower, my uber driver calls with a lot of shock and disbelief in his voice. He tells me madam you left your baby in my car.
“I only realized I had a child in the back seat after I had a cry.”
Jeeezzz. I thought to myself how awful am I?!!!! So I asked the rider to bring her back and that I would pay double. Well he got her back home and after paying him he assured me how of I should not have given birth if I was not ready to have a child and that stung. So I promised my little one that I would never forget her again. But oh..! well who was I fooling!! I did forget her a few more times again in different places. But I thank God I never left my phone cause most times I always got called back to be told I had left her behind.
So back to the main story. One day we are all in office and I had a lot to finish up so I forgot our feeding time and madam decides to notify me through crying. You know how I said she was a blessing and never cried? Well when she cried it was so sweet and lovely, I didn’t know if her cry was that low because of the condition she was in or just because it was made that way. My workmate who sat next to me asked, did u hear a baby cry? but I acted damn. And the little roomie decides I need to be heard so she cried again this time way louder than the little low cry I was used to, I knew it was time to come clean, my business partner and roomie demanded to be introduced if this partnership was to keep going so I get her out.
Everyone in office was shocked its like they had seen a mini ghost. I explained the story to them and they told me how they thought the ‘moses basket’ was just me carrying random stuff to office and maybe clothes. Funny enough all of them seemed okay with the new office staff member. And so we carried on with our routine. The waking up at 4am was starting to kill me. I really love my sleep so I started to doze heavily at work but my workmates would pick up the slack. When it came to feeding and diaper changing, they all became guardians to her.
Everyone helped in one way or the other. When I had to step out for a meeting they would offer to keep her. But we could not hold our little secret longer. I had to talk to my boss about it. Well did I tell u guys that this bundle of joy is a blessing? I never thought my boss would agree with my stupidity. So I told him the entire story and all he told me was, “if you give me your word that you can work with her around 24/7 and it won’t interfere with my work at any one minute and if you promise she won’t be a destruction at work then its okay” he gave me only one week to see how I would do it. But oh well we had already gone two weeks at this so we clearly knew we could do it.
Days went by and days turned to weeks which turned to months of me working with her and having the best Co-parenting team(my workmates)
Soon enough the entire building got to know of my bundle of joy and made life easier for me. Friends literally used to take turns at watching her. She would hop from one office to another on the second floor.
She was more like the floor manager. Every morning when we got to office we had to stop by every babysitting office and checking, say our good mornings, explain how our night was and then move on to our office. Over the months she made friends. People I had even never spoken to, she managed to make a connection with them.
One friend she made called Ritah taught her how to hold her own bottle. A battle I had given up on because I did not have that patience. I was amazed at how this little angel was loved by people.
I remembered how people told me she was cursed and I would never have good things because of her. From the time I had gotten her I had only gotten good things and met lovable people. I remembered how one doctor told me that she would never sit or stand and yet that didn’t stop me from teaching her how to sit every single day. Every game night we sat. Yes we had game nights. Just the two of us. We would play very loud music and play cards, well our format of playing is still unknown to the world but we played. And the terms and conditions of game night were sitting in the corner of the chair.
The best part of it all was that I had a roomie who made my house much more loving. She made it feel homily. I couldn’t wait to just get home with her and for us to spend time together freely. For us to talk about our day. Of course I always did all the talking but in her own way she understood atleast I think.
With months passing by, we started to put on weight and that was my biggest joy. We started to look healthier, started to learn how to sit on our own. Those were achievements.
Soon enough we were too heavy for our ‘moses basket’.
I remember the first time I travelled with her on a bike and not in the basket my boda guy was shocked. He asked me if it was the same baby I had months ago. He was shocked at the changes. When I tell you she is a blessing, I mean it. Everyone that met her fell in love with her. Right from my workmates, my boss, people in the building, friends, my neighbors at home, shop attendants at home to the boda guys that did my errands. We basically got free groceries from the shop attendants every time I went with her to the shops.
All just seemed to fall in love with my kantuntu. We got free dresses for our birthdays. Like who in their life at her age can stand and say they were fully dressed by the best at zero cost if its not for love and God. Oohh we also spent days in the best fashion house being taken care of by the entire team. Yes that is how much blessed bundle of joy is. This made my work easier because I had a whole village to help me raise her.
Everyone loved her genuinely. Baby sitting when I needed help was easy because she was loved by all. Well it got to that time where I couldn’t work with her anymore. She was starting to be experimental and work environment wasn’t safe for her anymore so I had to find a nanny. My biggest fear, I wasn’t ready to let go. Put her in the arms of a stranger. I was afraid they would not love her as much as I did. Would they feed her on time? Would they understand her facial expressions if she had her diaper full, would they know which side of the bed she loved to sleep on? Would they be able to understand that she loved watching colorful TV? Would they understand that every evening at 6pm we play our music so loud and get the neighbors knocking at our door and begging us to reduce? Would they know that our favorite snack was a combo of yoghurt and a cake.
I was really scared but I had to find one and I had to trust God to give us the right one.
Guys, I won’t get tired of telling you. This kid is blessed. You know how parents suffer to find the right nanny well my neighbor in one go found me the perfect nanny. Like seriously in one night of me saying I need a nanny. An old lady. 33 years at the time of hiring her. It was like a dream come true. I used to leave home and I would have no worry at all. She loved her like she were her own. She taught her to crawl. Taught her to stand. For months I had been trying. And every time I made her stand she would sweat, pee her pants and poop. I didn’t know standing was that hard. But Joyce taught her to stand, she taught her to walk.
Remember when I talked of incarnation? Well every time my kantuntu walked she walked with her tiny hands behind her back just like daddy always did. When she sat, she always crossed her legs just like daddy did. And at her tender age she whistled just like daddy did. So tell me, was it just chance that she was born in the same month as day, a day before his birthday, in the next month right after he passed on? Naaaaa. I think God sent me a piece of dad in her.
Well Joyce taught her all the basics needed. Taught her to feed from a plate and for two years kantuntu loved her nanny more than she loved me. There are times I even got jealous of their bond but her nanny loved her as much as she loved her.
Her nanny taught her church. My bundle of joy learnt to pray in her own unique way thanks to her nanny. She was a real blessing. Joyce was like a second mother to her, I would travel for days and not worry because I knew she was in perfect hands. When I ever have another bundle of joy, I hope God can bless me with another Joyce. With Joyce around, my dating life got back to normal. Well it was a bit of a mess because I had to carry her with me on date nights and, oh boy! oh boy! that was a turn off for many guys. Some had the guts of telling me I was too pretty too have such a burden.
It’s funny how some men have double standards.
Some of the men I dated had kids but they expected me to love and welcome their kids but were not ready to love and welcome my daughter. Little did they know we were a two deal package. If you took me you had to take her. Although what wasn’t fair is that you could take her and not me. She always went for sleep overs and never took me. But on all my sleep overs she came along.
I decided to let go of relationships until my Knight in shining armor came around.
One that would understand we were a “buy one and get one free” deal. After months, he came along. Am currently married to him. He got to know how important my kantuntu was to me. He got to know that if he wanted me he had to want her too. And to my disbelief he just didn’t want her. He loved her. He adored her and accepted her for who she was. It wasn’t an easy one but he somehow made it easy. He welcomed both of us. He watched her grow into the young lady that she is today.
Well we got to the age of school.
Okay sorry if am over rubbing it in but this young girl was all blessings like God wrapped a-lot of blessings in her before he sent her to planet earth.
My fear was school!
The expenses. I didn’t know if I was ready to pay tuition, house rent, a nanny and then also keep feeding us. It’s not like I was working for the UN. But somehow she had God bless my earnings. Rent was always paid on time, her nanny was always paid on time. How?!!! For real at times I didn’t know how but all her bills always came through right on time and at times earlier. So school starts and I could not afford the full fee that was being asked but upon the headmaster meeting her he told me I didn’t have to pay the full amount. He asked me what I could afford and I told him I could only afford 50% of the entire school fees. He told me it was a done deal and he told me for the rest of the time that she had to be in that school she would always pay 50% of the school fees and he would take care of the rest.
If that is not God then who is it!!!
I remember our first day of school. It was full mixed emotions. We got up earlier than usual, I was happy she was starting school but then I was afraid that she would not fit in. I did not know if she would love school or if she would hate it. I did not know if the kids would love her or reject her. I couldn’t help but cry. Looking at her look so adorable in her uniform watching her walk away with an absent minded smile, that funny little girl. Without a care in the world. Eager to start her new life not knowing how much I would have still loved to protect and guard her from this world that didn’t know how special she was.
Little did I know that the school would welcome her, little did I know she would become the class room princess. And still Joyce made school very easy for me because all I had to do was get her to school in the morning and at 1pm. Joyce would pick her up and they would walk home together. You maybe wondering where Joyce is. Well when I got married Joyce chose to move on and it’s been 1 year since she left us but we really miss her. Joyce at times treated me like a kid. Always had my bath ready by 7am, always forced me to have breakfast. She was not only my bundle of joy’s blessing. She was my blessing too. Wherever she is today. May God richly bless her. May he forever meet her at her point of need.
Ooh I guess your now wondering what makes my dearest darling kantuntu, like I used to call her special. Well she was born with down syndrome. And given our outdated culture and ignorant natives they labelled her useless. Told her mother her daughter was nothing. A curse, a bad seed, a child she should have known better and terminated at an early stage. I do not blame the mom and I never will. She loved her baby. Her father named her after his late mother. If that is not love, then what is?
But when you have 6 kids that have all come out perfectly well and extremely healthy then u get this one child that you are still trying to understand but everyone around you tells you is an abomination, you tell yourself all will get better but things don’t seem to change so this cultured society starts to get into your head and you start to think otherwise so you tend not to bond with your little one as much and it can affect you as a mother psychologically too. It breaks the little hope of change you had. You start to question your body. You start to wonder if it gave up on you. You ask why you. You start to lose yourself in the process. You start to question God’s intentions for you. Their cruel comments and advise starts to eat you up. You start to look at life differently.
And most times we blame the mothers, we blame them for not loving the kids, we blame them for dumping their kids by the road side. We blame them for all their shortcomings but they are not the ones we should blame. We should blame the society that thinks they have a right to share their negative opinions, those that think they can tell mothers who are struggling with special needs children that their children are retards or stupid.
One day at a play ground this well dressed lady tells another “omwana oyo kasilu” meaning that kid is a retard. In that very moment I kindly looked at her told her that is my baby and she is not a retard. She is special. Or like the time I had a sleep over of kids at my place and one of my friends kids called my kantuntu ugly because of her different appearance. Or the times I would be in public places and catch people staring at my love differently. How do you think mothers feel? The times those I called friends didn’t want to have her over for sleep overs cause they claimed She is a-lot of work. We should not blame the mothers we should blame this society that thinks every child should be the same. So yeah. By the time I got my roomie in November 2016 she was one and a half old but she could not sit, crawl, talk or stand. When she pooped it was like that of a goat. Doctors said she was a gone case, some told me to return her, and one told me she was an expense I would not afford.
So yeah my kantuntu, my roomie for life, my bundle of joy is special. And I can tell you that it has been a journey of laughter, tears, worry, sadness, comfort, joy, pure blessings. With her I got to learn that there is a God. A God that loves, a God that heals, a God that understands us just the way we are. A God that is forgiving, a God that grants our wishes and desires, a God that is caring and comforting. A God that will always deliver and right on time. With my bundle of joy I learnt that in life we all have a purpose and I honestly learnt to respect mothers. Like you mother’s are the real MVPs. Wow! How you do it so effortlessly.
For months I didn’t put on heels to work cause I could not handle running around with a ‘moses basket’ in heels. For months I could not put on body hugging sexy dresses. My dress code were jeans and t shirts cause I didn’t know how to rock my body hugging dresses anymore. For months I didn’t have my nails and hair on fleek because I had to be on full time watch with her. For months I did not have proper sleep cause I had to be up at 4am and go to bed at like midnight or late because my roomie did not feel the need to go to bed early. For months I had to be a chef, doctor, clown and many more things.
I remember the day I left her home with my baby brother and he calls me in the afternoon to tell me she had cracked her head open. I rush home confused and found her bleeding, we get on a bike with a towel full of blood and rush to hospital. We got stitches. That day was hard, I called my mom she came rushing. I always called upon my mom when I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t handle the pain so mommy took over. We got home and the next day she pulled out the stitches honestly I almost wanted to leave her head wide open. I was pissed that I had to rush her back to hospital for more stitches and pay more crazy unexpected bills.
She was my life, my bundle of joy but some days were hard mostly the days wen she fell sick and I didn’t know what to do but keep up all night watching her and calling mom every step of the way to guide us on what to do.
Well you may be wondering where she is now, currently due to COVID 19 and pre schools closing she is with her favorite grandma but she has grown. Her grandmother has done a great job. Taught her to clean up after herself. Taught to say dada. She calls different names. She knows how to communicate wen she needs to use the bathroom. She has become way more beautiful and today I realize our journey is just getting started.
I thank my mom for taking her on for a year of COVID 19 and turning her into a young lady. We are looking for a new school. Hopefully a special needs school. So with her, every day is a blessing and if am to say thank you to the army of mothers and fathers that raised her then the list would be endless because she was raised by an army of only the very best. Her very own mother that carried her for nine months, raised her and loved her to the very best of her abilities and still does with every bit of her heart. The one who will call every single day to check up on her. Her dad who speaks and somehow understands her gibberish. Her uncles, all 3 of them, mostly the one that co raised her with me. He did homework with her on the days I didn’t have the patience to do it with her. The uncle that made sure she always got to school on time. And on most days he took care of her in the mornings. Showered her, dressed her and got her ready for school. And on nights when I had to work late he dived in and did nanny duties.
The uncle that attended most of her parent teacher meetings, our favorite uncle I think, we did car rides with him. The uncle that always let us sit with him in front of the wheel. we thank you uncle E. You were our true Hero. Without you kantuntu’s story would be incomplete. We are grateful to the early mornings when u took charge of her and got her ready for school and let me sleep. Though who am I fooling you did it every single day. Thank you. Am glad you have gotten a daughter of your own. He makes a great dad. And I will forever be here to support her for you always supported a kantuntu.
To the many aunties. Those that were there physically we say thank you. Those that were with us emotionally and spiritual we are grateful. You guys made each day much easier for my kantuntu. I wish I could give you a more detailed account of our early journey of life but we would fill the pages of a whole book so we will stop at this and I can only say kids with special needs, be it any need of any kind are truly a blessing. They are love. They are God sent. Try to love them. Ignore culture, ignore the negative talk. They are the new ordinary. They are future geniuses. And I have one of the future geniuses growing up in my household. I may be raising the mind that will solve global warming. Who knows, I may be raising the next tech billionaire or maybe the first Ugandan female president. Whatever career path she chooses to take. How lucky are we to raise a new generation of great minds and not just the ordinary.. they are called special needs for a reason. And that’s reason they are different and not the ordinary.