On this week’s edition of Wine Down Wednesdays we sip and share with the entrepreneur and transformational life coach, Erica Mbanda.
The conversation starts off on a high note as the host and Erica delve into the content she shares on her social media platforms, that mainly comprises themes of motherhood, marriage and self-care.
Unbeknownst to most, Erica’s journey to finding her voice wasn’t an easy one, and she recalls how she struggled to fit in and compromised who she was or who she could be to please people and how that took away from actually learning/knowing who she really was, in addition to the downside that it was setting her up for disappointment.
“Chasing after what other people want is not healthy or fulfilling” she says
Next, we discussed what the phrase “sharing is caring” symbolizes for Erica, who shared that the fun impromptu videos she does with her husband actually started as an after effect of counseling, where they both learnt that sharing what you love with those you love goes a long way in showing them you care.
Erica shared that one of the ingredients of her relationship/marriage is intentionality. She recalls how easier it was to date her husband because they were both in a space where all they wanted to do was impress one another, and contemplating on then and now, she realizes Erica the wife has different needs than Erica the fiancée/girlfriend. One of her biggest takeaways from marriage and relationships in general is the true impact of open communication.
The realization that one’s partner cannot read minds and you have to verbally express what your needs and wants are is one of her biggest takeaways from couple’s therapy, something that can loosely be described as a remedy. Erica recalls dealing with postpartum depression after the birth of her first daughter and being in denial about it, then resulting into tension within the relationship that they both worked on eradicating in therapy, to reincarnate and strengthen a fulfilling marriage on both ends.
The journey to finding and knowing oneself is never ending, but to be an ideal partner to someone else, you have to at least have made some headway, which involves discovering who you are with/without them and what serves you. Erica’s version of introspection was a contrast between what she did for the sake of it and what she did for the love of it, and somehow she found a way to establish a merger between the two. The opportunity to operate her café and inspire the young people on her staff and beyond is something she considers a blessing, and team building is one of the many joys in life for her.
Filling her cup from Erica’s perspective means being comfortable in her skin and letting Erica be her true self, which was not an easy journey at the start because untangling who she is from her work was a hard task, but shedding those extra layers really helped her find herself and embark on the path to a fulfilling life.
Sharing her experiences with a social media audience has been a whirlwind, and the one thing that validates these choices is why. Templates of happy couples portraying relationship goals are all over social media feeds and real life as well, and when going through a marital issue or struggle she would wonder if her marriage is odd and feel so alone, thus sharing her experience will hopefully let the next person in her shoes know that she’s not the alone in the hardships, and that’s what makes all the “oversharing” captions so worth it.
One of Erica’s current struggles includes navigating life after being diagnosed with ADHD. For reference, ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder and one of its most prominent symptoms is low self-esteem, conflicting relationships and a low attention span.
Upon receiving her diagnosis the first thought on Erica’s mind was the many debacles and unanswered questions that finally made sense, proceeded by the feeling and alienation of knowing that she’s different, questioning what normal really is, and finally accepting and loving herself as she is as she simultaneously works on and investing in self development.
In conclusion, Erica shares that one of the best forms of self care is establishing boundaries and not really indulging in what doesn’t serve her, which she added on with expressing that she would like to share her faith with her children but until they are grown enough to make their own choices, she intends to continually remind them of their uniqueness and boost their confidence along the way.
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