I grew up surrounded by love.
Being adopted at a very young age is a blessing I cannot describe, because it gave me a strong foundation.
I was a happy child. But, I battled with internal struggles, pain that I couldn’t utter until I embarked on my healing journey.
The 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi that took place in my country Rwanda took the most precious people in my life.
My Father, my Mother, my elder brother and many of my family relatives.
I never got a chance to know them.
All my life I have imagined who they were, what they loved, what they could have become.
There’s a side of me that I hated very much…
The fact that I was an orphan.
It made me feel so powerless, it made me feel different and less privileged.
Every time somebody would mention that I was an orphan, my heart was pierced.
I didn’t want that title. I hated being in that category.
It made me wonder, why everything happened… and I didn’t have courage to talk about it.
I decided to suppress that part of me that I disliked.
I became very skilled at hiding my emotions and my personality was of a great help. I am a sunshine, that’s my personality. I laugh a lot; I love and connect with people easily.
And I was a very brilliant child.
I made sure I chose friends who had both parents, I never associated with children who were orphans; I never participated in anything that had to do with the Genocide commemoration.
That is how I coped for years.
I remember having moments of hot tears,
I remember breaking down secretly.
I have always loved journaling since I was young but I started doing it almost on a daily basis during my second Year University. I started allowing myself to visit deep parts of my soul. I remember writing down memories of my childhood, the questions I had in my heart, the things that made me cry… I wrote down how I hated being an orphan, my feelings… I allowed myself to be vulnerable in the most possible way, and I felt safe because the truth of my heart could only be shared with my journal. Little did I know, I had started my own healing journey?
Slowly I started opening up and sharing my story.
In the year 2019, I was able to share my story publicly for the first time. And ever since, I have been not only healing but helping others to embrace their healing as well.
On your healing journey, it is important to know that there is no magical treatment that will heal you overnight. Healing is like a marathon. It requires preparation, repeated practice, courage, determination, and the support of others including that of a professional if possible.
I still have parts of me that are not healed. But I am in my process. Trauma recovery is best to be looked upon as a process that is worked on over time and in intentional stages.
Recovery does not necessarily mean complete freedom from post-traumatic affects. Recovery is an individual experience and will be and look different for everyone. In genera, recovery is the ability to live in the present without being overwhelmed by the thoughts and feelings of the past.
One thing I have realized, the more you recover from trauma, the more you improve the quality of life on a daily basis. On your journey to healing, you might experience anger or frustration, shock and emotional numbness, confusion, disbelief, or a sense of unreality, hopelessness or despair, physical pain, mental health symptoms, including depression.
I firmly believe that mental health and treatment should be DE-stigmatized and there should be a holistic approach to recovery.
The grief of losing a parent or a loved one can be very complex but these are steps that have been helpful to me on my path to recovery, that I believe will help you as well:
Validate your feelings.
Fully experience it.
Care for yourself.
Share memories.
Honor their memory.
Embrace your healing journey with intention and courage. You heal consciously, intentionally, patiently, persistently and gently
Accept help.
I celebrate and honor the lives of my biological parents, my Lovely Brother and my relatives.
My painful past does not define my present, and it will not determine my future.
I am alive for a purpose. Through my life, stories of transformation, healing, prosperity are being told.
My inspirational and innovative ideas add value to people’s lives,
I discern and help maximize the genius of people I am assigned to.
I am a bridge that takes many to their divine destinies.